Scrapheap Challenge - Semi Final Diary

Semi Final: The flaming flinger controversy.
Arrival

We were back after only ten days, and it was now the semi final. We had left Geneva and it was 31 degrees and usually when we arrive back in the UK the weather is miserable, but this time it was different. We got to the hotel, everyone was drinking outside in the unusually warm summer evening. Naomi introduced us to our expert, there was no, "Hi, nice to meet you" from him, it was "Mine's a pint", we would get on well. We sat down for five and were then introduced to the other expert, Paul, who started telling us he'd applied for a job at CERN, and had friends near Geneva. We then went into the bar to get the drinks, Paul followed us in and was talking about CERN, saying he was very interested in that sort of thing. Then he came out with a line that dropped him off our radar of respect "It will be a shame to beat you guys". Now the one thing we have done and had through the whole program, was a laugh, our previous two oppositions and their experts were great. They took it seriously and wanted to win but it was a laugh first and foremost. There is a competition between yourself and the opposition, but if you watch Scrapheap Challenge, invariably one team fails because they had a breakdown. The main competition is within your team and your engineering, and to build something that fulfills its task. Now we had talked about what it would be like to come up against a condescending team or expert, and here he was in the flesh. I think we hardly talked to him for the next three days.
Then we met our opposition, thank God they were the same as us (well Lyndon's a bit different), but they were here for a laugh as well.

Geoff, Lyndon and Marc were a team of off roaders who called themselves The Anoraks. They had won the two previous rounds, building a motorised galleon, which we had seen lying in the scrapyard, and a beach rescue vehicle. We knew these boys could build big contraptions, oh well, so could the three stooges called The Up n' Atoms having somehow got through the two rounds.

We then all got very drunk, with our expert Richard bouncing off the door frames, but as we were talking it became clear that both experts had been on scrapheap before. Paul just came out with it, telling everyone he'd been on scrapheap seven times, and he told us again, and again. It became a running joke between us and The Anoraks. Hadrian, the technical head honcho, had also let it slip that Richard had been on before, but Richard was playing it cool, telling everyone he was a thick blacksmith who knew nowt. All in all it was a very good night and we were lucky, third opposition in a row who were a laugh.

Build Day

We had arrived! and were given the best challenge any team could ever ask for.

OK you know the rigmarole when we first get there, get suited, eat an amazing fried breakfast, and wait around. The only thing different this morning was our expert didn't get up on time, we thought it was because he was hung over, but supposedly his alarm didn't go off and in his rush to get ready, he had badly cut himself shaving. So all in all he looked in a bit of state when he came out.

We were standing in front of the totem pole, waiting for our challenge. Then Rob came out with, "You are to build a flaming flinger, a machine to throw balls of fire". The scary part is we understood what he was talking about, amazing. This is what we had waited for, a big challenge with fire, burning things, and just general destruction. This is what Scrapheap Challenge was all about to us, and why we entered in the first place. Bill then explained what we were building, a machine that could fire a football sized object, filled with solid rocket propellant, at four targets placed up to about 70 meters away.

We then had to film the run into the yard, and as David rounded the corner, his feet came out from under him. Slipping on some junk, he hit the ground with a resounding thud, all on camera. Richard was bent over double with laughter, and the camera guys could barely hold their cameras. He got up, and as well as knocking the wind out of him and injuring his pride, he was complaining about the pain in his legs. Calling the medics in, he dropped his overalls all of us expecting a massive gash down his leg, all there was, was a slight graze. Everyone had thought from the ruckus his leg was coming off. Suitably embarrassed, we continued.

We then went into the yard to start the filming, and Richard then introduced the himself for the cameras benefit "Hi Richard Little, Royal Engineers" and then it clicked, he'd built the catapult that had beaten the Barley Picker's trebuchet, and then he informed us the expert on the other side, was the guy who built the trebuchet, and it was the only time he had lost. The competition was hotting up already.
For those that don't know what I am talking about, it is most probably one of the most spectacular scrapheap failures, with a 15m trebuchet going into self destruct. Watch here.

Once we were in front of the board Richard then laid out what we were going to do, not like we had any choice. We were going to launch the cannon balls in the same way that an automatic tennis ball machine works, by spinning the ball out between two wheels. After a bit of a discussion on how it was going to work, we sent the guys out to get anything with a hydraulic arm so we could raise and lower our cannon, and a lightweight high revving engine.

Almost immediately the guys shouted back, they had found a conveyor belt used for loading aircraft, but it would need work getting out. Richard and I went down, and we got it jump started, and the came the fun of getting a 10m lorry through the scrap yard and back to our work areas, after trying to drive it and tow it with the quad we had to get the dumper truck to pull it back to the yard, but what you'll see on the TV is Lyndon and Jimmy on the two quads pulling it in the last 2 metres, which didn't happen. The guys then went back out, and found a transit van axle which Richard and I started pulling to bits, and then David and Jimmy went out to find us a motor.

Now in the two previous episodes, both David and I had had our stress moments, flaking out, biting to any wind up going round. But all the time we had our team motivator, the God of laid back, Jimmy, saying we're idiots for getting wound up, and should treat it more like him and remembering it's only a TV show. But it even got to him. I had sent the guys out to find a lightweight engine, but after half an hour in the baking sun, neither of them had found what we were looking for, but Jimmy had found the front end of a pickup truck, and a complete volvo. After looking at the two of them Jimmy decided on the Volvo and the guys tried to get it started. The first problem was a dead battery which they resolved quite quickly. David being the self confessed idiot where engines are concerned handed the problem over to Jimmy. Now whether it was the heat or the fact they'd been yomping over the yard looking for a non-existent motor, Jimmy had a complete motivation failure. The engine was turning over but not starting. With David asking him questions about what was going on, and Jimmy just not interested, the behind the scenes guys had to suggest to check the fuel pump, under the rear seat. Now who would look for a fuel pump under a rear seat? So they jumpered a wire from the battery to the fuel pump, the car starts, and they're ready to roll...... nowhere, the car wouldn't move. At this point they were going nowhere fast with a Laurel and Hardy type sketch of David asking questions with Jimmy saying he didn't care, it's not like he works there or anything. Neither of them had thought to look under the car, to see why it wasn't moving, just thinking it was a mechanical failure. You know you are in dire straits when the cameraman has to point out that there is a metal spike through the engine bay, and that just might be a reason why the car is going nowhere. He then put his camera down and gave the guys a hand getting it off the spike and free to drive up to the yard. It was here that David found a toy 'Thunderbird 2' on the passenger seat, which was to become our mascot, and was going to get fired through the machine. Some mascot it turned out to be!!!!

Once the car was in the yard, it was lunch time again. Always seems to happen with Scrapheap Challenge, once the initial problems have been sorted and we're getting ready to start some real work then they stop us for lunch. Every single time! After lunch Jimmy and Richard started pulling the engine out, with David and I working on the rear axle, pulling all the brakes off it, then one of the drive shafts out. I then cut the axle in half with the gas axe, and then we welded the diff, to transfer everything from the drive through to one wheel. At this point I would like to clarify, with some of the abuse that I might get on the program from Richard or anyone else. I know my welding isn't great but with the amount of weld I put in there, there was no way it was going to break, it doesn't look pretty but it's what I would like to call utilitarian welding, looks rubbish but does the job.

Then it was all hands on deck to get the engine out of the car, with Richard and Jimmy winching the engine out on a piece of string and the safety guy having kittens, the engine was lifted and we just rolled the car back into the yard. There we had it a nice 2.0l Volvo engine. Richard and I then went on to weld and grind duty preparing the conveyor to install the engine. We welded on plates of metal, and then welded the engine mounting, which David had removed earlier, to the conveyor. After making sure that the engine was turning in the correct direction, we then had to get the engine up on to the conveyor, which after using the lifting arm, realised we need the dumper back in to lift it in place. Zim lifted it on, with all the guys manhandling it into place, and using the crowbar I got all the bolts to line up. Whilst Richard and I were preparing the conveyor, David and Jimmy were removing the complete wiring loom from the Volvo, we decided there was no point in taking out individual circuits that we would need to start it, but just take out the whole thing, and that way we knew we wouldn't come across any problems with wiring being cut or missing. David then pulled out the fuel pump, and then made a bracket to attach the radiator, fuel pump and wiring loom to, I welded that in place. and then we started to prepare the loading mechanism for the cannon ball. Whilst we were doing this Richard and Jimmy were welding the wheels and axle in place. Time just seemed to fly after lunch, but at no time were we worried, everything seemed to go very smoothly.

The only thing of any real note throughout the afternoon, was the malicious attempted blackmail by one of the cameramen. On occasions I do have a propensity to swear every now and then. With the time being about 7 o'clock I asked one of the guys behind the scenes if we could get something to eat. Due to my slight and delicate frame if I do not eat I will implode. The camera then said I could have some sandwiches if I stopped swearing. The reason I was swearing was because I kept burning myself, with the gas axe. So as you can imagine, every time I swore the camera would count off another sandwich five, four, three, two oh bugger it, no sandwiches.

We really put a rush on towards the end as we wanted to start our machine, with Danny sitting up in the tower, telling us to hurry up. It then came to the point where our machine was ready to start. Then guess what, 'they' wouldn't let us start it, I could have lumped him right then. All the hassle we'd had about getting it finished from Ben and Danny then they wouldn't let us start the machine. I was not pleased. Once I'd calmed down I realised they did have a point that this thing had been put together by the bunch of clowns, and it might destroy itself in some spectacular fashion. They weren't worried about us getting injured, we're expendable, people will always want to be on Scrapheap, but Rob and Lisa might get hurt, and how would that look.

Then it was back to the hotel, where Kevin had kindly kept the bar open for us again, and a kind lady (whose name I've forgotten) behind reception, kept a half case of Stella cool in the fridge for us, that we'd bought during the previous episode. After one or 5 beers it was back to my room where a skin full followed, with Lyndon and all the guys.

Safety Day
David and I went for a wander round Twyford, where we bumped into the judge, Colin, and we all went for a big Indian meal..... for lunch. Jimmy went off to see his grandparents.
That evening another alcohol driven session, with Jimmy and Lyndon at each other's throats about the comparative merits of the rover K-series engine. The rest of us decided to leave them to it, and go and get a kebab from the van on the A4 roundabout, (very good).

Race Day

We all went in convoy to a sand quarry near Guildford, where it was the usual straight down to have a look at what work Richard had done in the safety day. He'd changed the position of the firing mechanism to make it safer, put some braces on the engine, and gone over all the welds, and he told us he'd tested it the day before and seemed to go OK. The only major difference, was that whilst we were doing the build Richard assured us that only one set of wheels spinning would be sufficient to fire the ball, but Jimmy disagreed during the build saying we needed both sets spinning but was overruled by Richard. When race day came, a set of bogey wheels had been installed to drive the bottom set of wheels as well. 1 - 0 Jimmy

Then was the usual wait around for two hours, whilst Lisa and Robert filmed their intro, this time was quite spectacular, as the props department had built a realistic medieval catapult out of cardboard. Which was then quite spectacularly set alight by the Trumpton firemen.

Then it was in front of the cameras again to pretend we were re-doing the tinkering time work again, and paint loads of things on the side of it. For those that want to know why we have Bonnet de Douche written on the side of our contraption, it is a quote from 'Only Fools and Horses' which is an expression that Del has for something good. It's actually a very rough translation for shower cap in French. This has become a bit of a joke round here amongst expats, and one of the boys out here has actually had his French secretary saying it.

Once lunch was out of the way, and the props guys had managed to stop the boxes for the targets from blowing away, we were ready to go. We had to go first as The Anoraks had to modify the cannon balls before they could throw them. We were given 8 flaming shots to hit 4 petrol soaked targets. The first target was about 20 metres away, so we lined up the 'Partickle Axelirator MKI' on to the first target, started the engine, then the pyrotechnics guys lit the fuse on our first bomb. David was looking after the kill switch, Richard on the firing mechanism, I was pulling on the bogey wheels to make the bottom wheels spin. With Jimmy controlling the engine speed, he revved the engine up to firing speed for the first shot, 3000 rpm. Once the solid fuel in the cannonball was lit, Richard pulled the firing mechanism, pushing the ball into the spinning wheel. Shooting out the other side the flaming cannon ball hit dead on the centre of the target, setting it ablaze. First target down with the first shot.

Lining the contraption up to the second target, we decided to leave it at the same inclination but increase the speed. Fuse lit the second cannon ball was fired. It hit the ground in front of the target but rolled off to the left, bursting into flames inches from the target. We moved the machine slightly to the right and fired again, this time rolling into the bottom of the target, setting it alight. Two targets in three balls, and the opposition were beginning to look really worried. The fourth shot missed coming up short so we raised the beam, and then fired. Straight in but it didn't catch alight. Whilst we're speaking to Lisa for the camera, it burst into flames about a minute later. Three targets five shots. Raising the arm and the speed, we then went for the fourth target, the sixth shot came up well short, with the seventh going a lot further but not in the right line. Our last shot at 7000 rpm and a slightly lower height, just buried itself in the sand in front of the third target. We'd done all we could, 3 targets in 5 shots, all in the right direction, and only one minor problem with the machine.

Then came the opposition, just as they were getting ready they realised their machine had a problem and had to cut some metal off or it would go no-where. After half an hour they were ready, camera's rolling, they started their engine up. The Anoraks had a spinning mechanism attached to the rear axle of a car, that when a pin was released, it would release the ball at a predetermined point, firing the ball at the targets. The machine started spinning, Paul then pulled the cable. The ball went clattering in to the safety hood of the mechanism, and then flew into the air but stopped half way to the target. They altered the release point and started their machine up again. The second ball flew from the machine, and bounced 5 metres in front of the target and hit. We were ahead of them. Their third shot when fired flew up in the air bouncing off the hood again and came to rest on their diesel tank, then Paul jumped in with the extinguisher and put it out. Their 4th shot bounced ten metres in front of the target and rolled into the second target. We were still ahead of them. Their 5th shot flew high into the air, bounced just in front of the target and hit, great shot and we knew we were in trouble. They had the hang of their machine. Expecting their 6th shot to hit the target direct, it hit the ground some 15 metres in front of the target and came to a rest just before the target. Their 7th shot went no-where, the release mechanism didn't work, and then the 8th and last shot stopped before the third target.

It was a draw!!!

We then went over to chat to the opposition, no-one knew what was going on or who had won. There were two schools of thought, we could have won it because our machine was more reliable, fired all shots in the right direction and we'd hit the first two targets with fewer shots than The Anoraks. Whereas Jimmy and Richard thought that The Anoraks had won it because they'd fired one shot further than all the rest. The crew were keeping us in suspense. Then it was over to film the final shot, we were going to find out the results while they filmed us. Lisa started with the usual rubbish, great teams, etc, and then she announced the winners, The Anoraks, and it all came crashing down. We were out, because their ball had gone further. I was gutted, angry it had finished that way on the directors and series producers decision. Even now as I write this, in some small way I feel robbed. Not because of the opposition, they were the winners and a great bunch of guys. We had to take it on the chin, but we came so close to winning and then it was gone, on a decision that was attributed to the judge. Oh well, we'd done alright for a bunch of clowns.

We then said our thanks and byes to everyone, and made the quiet losers exit, not in shame, we still had our pride. They may have been the winners, but we hadn't been beaten.

Home